When Father’s Day Hurts

Sometimes you worry more about other people than yourself.

This was an odd sort of Father’s Day. I’m remarried and technically, my two girls have both a Dad and a Step-Dad.

But they see things in their own unique way, being 11 and 14, and my new husband, who has been in their lives for eight years, strikes them more as the indulgent uncle than a parental figure.

What made this year more painful is that we’ve worked hard since our wedding to make him a biological dad. We knew the odds were stacked against us big time. I’m well into my forties with a tricky obstetrical history already, having lost more babies than I got to keep.

Despite some pretty hard-core efforts, we failed, and just last week, I had to have an endometrial ablation that means I can no longer carry a baby, period.

Then, the adoption agency we had chosen shut down after 81 years.

Then the new one we were referred to wanted us to be married another year before we could apply.

And so, parenting plans are definitely on hold. He’s held up fine, as he does. But it can’t be an easy year. His own father passed away several years ago. I’m not sure what meaning Father’s Day can hold for him other than grief.

He wanted to blow off some steam playing video games, so I have tucked myself away with my blog, finally getting back to my book now that my surgery is over and I’m well enough to sit up and type. And as we go through this hard Father’s Day, I think of Gavin, the boy from Forever Innocent.

The way the story is set up, his and Corabelle’s baby dies in May, weeks before high school graduation. He takes off and so now I think of where he is when Father’s Day rolls around in June. His own father has been difficult and absent, and as he looks around at all the signs promoting the holiday, I can see that this might be the moment that he makes that life-changing choice, the one that will haunt him when he is reunited with Corabelle.

I’m not going to post story spoilers on the public blog. As we get further along and I need advice on Gavin’s and Corabelle’s secrets, I’ll invite avid fans to help me sort things out, keep things believable and real, and determine the best course for the story.

But today I think of Gavin, and that first, terrible, un-Father’s Day, and I think of you all out there, who might be hurting today. And of my husband, who keeps thinking this is his year, and somehow, it still eludes him.

So tell me about your Father’s Day.

4 thoughts on “When Father’s Day Hurts

  1. Ezra

    Can’t wait for the book :). Ps, my friend had an endometrial ablation and fell pregnant. She carried full term and Isobella will 1 year on the 29th of June. Anything and everything is possible 🙂

    1. Deanna Post author

      They forced me to have my tubes tied prior to the ablation, so no pregnancies for me. I’m glad your friend got sweet Isobella, though. Those pregnancies are very dangerous, but perhaps she did not have quite as complete an ablation as I did. You have to be sterilized to be eligible. Thank you for your kind note about the book! Writing is full swing ahead now.