Faith is taking the first step even when you can’t see the whole staircase.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Sometimes when I look around, I see a lot of lost people. Some are justifiably sad—tragedy is happening to them right now. Some have had past losses, and they look to those dark days as the reason why they are still living without joy.
Others are just taking life day by day, waiting for something, the One Big Thing they’ve always imagined, and regularly seem to sink when another night comes, and it hasn’t happened.
I had lost years myself. I spent my twenties in pursuit of nothing special. A whole decade of stumbling around, switching jobs, always wanting something else. The not-now. The better-down-the-road.
Then something big DID happen. Not a book deal or a lottery or sudden fame. The worst sort of thing. As I rolled down what would be considered an ordinary life—marriage-first-house-pregnancy, my baby died. Just died.
This is where my road divided. I had three choices:
- Feel stuck and bitter and grief stricken.
- Pretend it never happened and move forward.
- Turn this moment into my personal call to a life that mattered.
Everyone who is reading this blog knows what I did. I changed everything. Since then I’ve given speeches, run web sites, written books, and made myself as available as possible to any Baby Loss Mom who approached me. It’s been 14 years—coming up on 15 very soon and I haven’t slowed down one bit.
I was lucky. I recognized when life handed me a purpose. Loud and clear I got the message that this terrible event was the thing that could save me. And while I’d certainly trade my life now for the life I could have had with Casey, I made sure, absolutely sure, that I never doubted why I had been brought on this planet, and why he had, so briefly, made his small appearance.
I can tell you — there is a reason for you too. Somewhere in your life there has been or will be a Call to Action. My hope is that everyone sees it when it comes. And that it not only gets you through whatever is happening — life, death, poverty, oppression, bullying, loss, overwhelm — but that you grow so much from it that you expand and envelop others who can learn from what you have endured.
My wish is that you too can take your experiences and turn them into action, mold your life into a passion, review what you have survived and bring about change.
It’s in everyone. The tall and the small. Elizabeth is only ten and she gets it — she made her whole class study epilepsy last year and over half of them chose the Epilepsy Foundation as their non-profit to support in the community service. One purple scarf given to her last month means dozens more will be made in her Knitting Club to give to other kids.
Look around you. Look at yourself. Take what is difficult and turn it into good. Learn from what you did wrong and lift a stumbling block from someone else.
Be the change you’re looking for.
Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about the things that matter.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
While we were there, the Nurse Practicioner came in with several hand-made scarves in varying shades of purple, the color chosen for epilepsy awareness. “Pick one,” she said.
Elizabeth was shy about it, but eventually selected a simple solid purple scarf with an intricate weave. On it was a round sticker that read “The Purple Stitch Project.”
The meeting went on, about her sudden weight loss (10% of her body weight in three months), her sudden downturn in school (we sign failing papers almost daily), and her overall feeling of tiredness and well, just blues.
We’re not giving up on the medicine, as it’s the last one they’ll give us. We’ve been through others, and while sometimes they work for a while, the seizures return, often more frightening than the last. Elizabeth, now 10, has been medicated for three years. We’ve been through seizures in the swimming pool, at the top of playscapes, in restaurants, at parks, many at school, including one during a whole-school assembly.
Life isn’t easy.
But she held on to this scarf as we left, puzzling over the stitches. She had joined a knitting club last year and wondered how hard this particular pattern was to follow. I asked her if she wanted to make scarves for the Purple Stitch Project herself, and then she had the brainstorm that maybe the whole club would.
I wrote the mom who runs the club, who thought this was a fantastic idea–the girls making scarves as community service. They’re going to stock up on purple yarn when they start the club up again in the spring. The one scarf given to Elizabeth will keep on giving–both in providing gifts to other children with epilepsy, but also making sure the thing that makes her different from her friends is something they can talk about, to bring them together rather than set her apart.
I don’t know everything that goes on inside Elizabeth’s mind, the changes in weight and self-image, going from from manic energy to lethargy, from seeing the silver lining everywhere to feeling surrounded by doom, to doing well in school to having trouble concentrating on anything.
We do the best we can.
If you knit, we encourage you to join in. Make something purple and send it in to the Purple Stitch Project. The child who gets it just might be someone you know, someone like Elizabeth, who will take your one scarf and turn it into something much, much more.
Writers who are thinking of self publishing, please, PLEASE do your research before you write a check to anyone. Even the once-trusted names are stepping into the Vanity Publishing zone, this time Simon and Schuster.
These packages are overpriced, managed by a third-party company known for poor work (Author Solutions), plus S&S takes HALF of what you earn, after CHARGING you to publish it. And for nothing–the S&S name is nowhere on your work and they have nothing to do with it.
The farther you go from working directly with the cover artist, formatter, and editor, the worse your experience can be. Hiring direct and uploading your work yourself is always in your best interest. Need a list of who to hire? Here’s a great one: Helpful Links for Indie Writers
And never, EVER, pay to have your book formatted and prepped and then ALSO give that company part of your earnings. It’s one or the other, not both.
Realize many authors learn these steps themselves and have ZERO cost to publishing their book.
But if that is not you, here’s current rates for getting a book out in the world if you hire out every single step:
- Digital book cover design: $50 to $300
- Wrap around book cover design for paperbacks: $145 to $450
- Ebook formatting: $50 to $100
- Interior paperback formatting: $150 to $800 (depending on complexity of book, novels on the low end, nonfiction with graphics are more)
- Copy Editing an 80,000 word novel: $500 to $3000 (proofreading for grammar on the low end, line editing for content on the higher)
- Proofs and miscellaneous: $50 to $150 depending on if you get your own ISBN or run several proofs
Total for getting your book in the world if you don’t do anything but write it:
Ebook only: $600 with editing
With paperback: $950 with editing
If you have a grammar Nazi in your family, then you can probably do it for as little as $100 for cover and formatting.
What Simon and Schuster will charge you for these same services:
And take half of your earnings.
I’m sure all those years ago, when you and a few friends cooked up the crazy idea to write 50,000 words in a month, you had no idea the impact this new event might have on the lives of hundreds of thousands of people across the world.
Let me tell you how much it changed mine.
In October 2005, I had a broken heart, two small children, and no idea how to find the time to write the book I wanted so much to get on paper. As a self-employed single mom who lost most of her friends in the divorce, I struggled in every way.
But a librarian had told me about NaNoWriMo, and I wondered if I should try it. Somewhere between diapers and custody hand offs and school pick ups and photography clients, I would make it happen.
So I got myself to the Midnight Write that year, organized by the incredible Austin Penguins, a well-established local chapter. I didn’t know a single person but sat at a table in a 24-hour cafe, surrounded by other determined writers, typing the opening words to a novel I’d been thinking about for a year.
About a week in, at a writing meet up at a coffee shop called Austin Java, I sat down by two women, who let me know it was cheap wine night and to avail myself of a glass. They introduced themselves as Ivy and Audrey. A few minutes later, a fourth person, a guy who went by Fool, joined us.
The evening, greased by red wine and a sense of hilarity in trying to write novels on such a short timeline, caused us to laugh and joke and try to out-wit each other with ridiculous scenes.
We became tight friends, and on the last night of November, I made my word count, as did Audrey and Fool. I had done it. 50,000 words. A novel more than half finished. And friends.
We celebrated the next Saturday at a party hosted by the Penguins, then made our way to a jazz bar called The Elephant Room. We were met by a man named Kurt, a friend of Audrey’s, who wrote me a few days later to ask if he could read my work. With the encouragement of the Austin Java crew, Kurt and I began dating.
This last June, we were married.
The Austin Java group, now bigger and even more amazing, still meets every week for wine and writing. Many of them flew to New York for our destination wedding. We held it in a bookstore, of course. Both Kurt and I do NaNoWriMo now. It’s something we always make time for.
Three of my NaNoWriMo novels have been published. I am living my dream of being a full-time writer, and I have a following now who signs up to read my NaNo excerpts as I release them during November.
My life is amazing.
So Chris, maybe you had no idea that your idea would have such an impact. But the trajectory of my life completely altered by what you started.
And so, thank you.
It’s been an amazing year with Baby Dust. Thousands and thousands of copies out in the world. So many new friends. So many bloggers featuring the book. I have to pinch myself almost every day.
If you’re attending the book festival in Austin, you can find me easily at two times:
- The Writers’ League of Texas is sponsoring a book signing at their booth in the festival tents for me on Sunday, Oct. 28 from 3-4 p.m. I will have all my books there.
- I wil be hosting the Writerly Lunch on the Lawn from 11:30 a.m. to 1 p.m. Sunday on the lawn of the Capitol behind the food tents. I’ll have signs up, plus my pink pigtails are hard to miss. Come say hello!
At the Texas Indie Authors booth I will have Baby Dust and In the Company of Angels, the memorial book for recording details of your pregnancy. I might end up doing a signing over there too, but right now I’m planning to step aside and let all the other awesome TIA authors have their moment since I will already have a signing time.
It’s exciting and amazing! I hope you say hello if you are there!
For those of you in the US, this post is going up a bit early due to the international nature of my site, but Oct. 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. This day was designated by all 50 states in the US through the efforts of Robyn Bear (a lovely fellow-Texas girl!)
On this day, at 7 p.m. your time, grieving families light a candle for their babies lost to miscarriage, stillbirth, or early perinatal death for one hour. As each time zone extinguishes their candles, the next one will light theirs, creating the continuous Wave of Light across the world.
Some families opt to do this alone at home. Others will invite friends, family, or fellow baby loss moms to come over. Across the world, official walks and candle lightings are formed. To see if there is one near you, check this page: http://www.october15th.com/activities-walks/
Here in Austin, Texas, I have hosted the candle lighting for many years.
We will be down at the pond behind the Long Center. (This area is called Butler Park and is near the lighted fountains, at the base of the hill.) We will light our candles between 7 and 8 p.m.
Parking is easiest along Riverside or in the lot off Dawson Road. Most of the runners are leaving, so you can usually find a spot if you see someone heading to their car. You should be able to spot us by our candles and signs. I will have candles for everyone, and many parents will bring theirs too.
Here is a map.
See the Facebook page for more info.
If you need music to play during your hour, I have compiled a list of YouTube videos that will play in order and be long enough for your hour.
Every year we celebrate what would have been Baby Casey’s birthday with new site features, prizes, and give aways!
This year we’re trying this trendy new gadget called the Rafflecopter (see it down below)! You enter the giveaway by doing certain tasks—including telling us your baby’s name, finding us on Facebook, and other activities that get you points toward the give aways.
While we’re celebrating baby Casey, my book Baby Dust is only 99 cents for the ebook or $5 for the paperback now through Sept. 13! This is a GREAT time to gift the book to a friend, to snag it if you haven’t had a chance yet, or to donate a copy to a hospital for another mom who might need it.
Baby Dust $5 for paperback (shipping is $3.97 in the US)
HERE ARE THE PRIZES!
A HeartBeat Bear. Super cute bears are recorded with a heartbeat at the rate of your baby that is activated when you hug the bear. You can tell us based on sonograms or NICU stats what your baby’s last heartrate was, or we can record a heartrate for your baby’s gestational age. Wonderful little bear.
In the Company of Angels Memorial Book. This hardback baby book has pages ready to fill out about your baby, whether you were only a few weeks along, or delivered a full-term stillbirth. No page will go blank in your book, and gentle prompts on gorgeous pages will guide you to remembering every moment of your pregnancy.
Here is the Rafflecopter. I had to sort of puzzle it out the first time I used one—you’ll get it! Each thing you do gets you more entries in the contest! Only do what you feel comfortable with.
- +1 entry — Tell us your babies’ names or how many unnamed babies you have!
- +2 more entries — Become a fan of “A Place for Our Angels” where we talk about our babies (if you’re already a fan–just log in and it will know!)
- +2 more entries — Follow Deanna Roy (that’s me!) on Twitter. Except I talk about random things. Like Crunch Berries. Follow at your own risk! 🙂
- +3 more entries — Tweet about Baby Dust being 99 cents. Don’t worry about “finding the link.” Just hit Tweet and the text of the tweet will come up.
- +1 more entry — Go hit the “like” button on Amazon for Baby Dust or for In the Company of Angels. This helps the books be more visible on Amazon!
When Rafflecopter picks a winner, the entries will be verified. Yay! Good luck!!!!
Not long after my novel Baby Dust was out, readers immediately began writing me asking about Stella, the group leader who is a central figure in the book. Where did she come from? What happened to Dane? Why did she stay with him?
I knew Stella had a heck of a story to tell, so last November I went ahead and started writing the romance between her and Dane, when this Harley-riding bad boy roars into her small Missouri town and upsets the balance of the locals by dating too many hometown girls in too quick a succession.
But despite either of them—Stella with her determination to leave town for good, and Dane with his insistence on avoiding entanglements—their collision spirals out of their control.
Including Dane’s temper. He’s been on the bad side of too many of the town’s hot heads, and eventually trouble was going to erupt.
I’m so excited about the book and how it played out. I’ll talk more about it in the coming days, especially leading to the broader release in August, when the paperback will come out, and I’ll be on a ten-blog tour where hard-core romance reviewers will be chewing up and spitting out their opinions about my first actual romance. (I’m terrified!)
I hope you’ll go download the sample and see if it fits the sort of reading you like. Both of the authors who (so wonderfully!) endorsed Stella & Dane read it within a day or two and at least one early reader got through six chapters in secret bathroom breaks since she decided not to call in sick, which she regretted. I LOVE you guys!
Go see Stella & Dane on the Amazon book store!
In A Dignified Exit, Monroe is a painter living in rural Texas with a devastating secret. Rather than burden his aging small-town friends, he makes the decision to take this secret with him to Mexico and live out the rest of his life alone.
He leaves behind an ailing adult son, Robert, who spurns him one last time before Monroe goes, and an angry ex-wife who isn’t too sorry to see him gone.
Despite this, the reader learns to like Monroe, who seems a bit lost in his personal life, but determined and competent as he makes the move to Mexico.
His plans to stay alone are very quickly changed when he can’t help but intervene in a fight between a young couple that earns him a bloody nose. The girl, Angelina, ends up destitute and abandoned in Mexico. Monroe decides to take her in so she can earn wages as his help to get back to the States.
The story has commercial undertones but a literary feel, so that the pacing never suffers under the weight of the beauty of looking at the world through Monroe’s artist eyes. We might linger on a meal, or a scene to be painted, but the story still moves as Monroe’s son comes to visit, tragedy inserts itself, and some of Mexico’s unusual citizens become players in Monroe’s drama.
As Monroe’s secret unravels and his relationship with Angelina spirals into something neither of them expected, Monroe and the reader will be reminded that any of us can find salvation through love, even when it is almost, but not entirely, too late.
Buy for Kindle
Discover more amazing indie books by visiting other stops on the IndiePendence blog hop.
20 or so authors got together and chipped in for this contest. It’s not a big company or anything.
- Grand Prize: 1 FREE Kindle Fire with all participating authors’ books loaded on to it.
- First Place: 1 FREE regular Kindle with all participating authors’ books loaded on to it.
- Second Place: 10 FREE eBooks of their choice from the participating authors
- Third place: 5 FREE eBooks of their choice from the participating authors
All the books are for middle grade readers (ages 9-12) but that doesn’t mean you have to give the Kindle to your child! Go see the list of books!
The Rafflecopter below is the way the contest is run. Each time you follow one of the authors on Twitter or like a Facebook page, you earn another entry. You can get over 60 entries.
The book of mine that will be on the winning Kindles is Jinnie Wishmaker !
(NOTE—I’m not running the contest, just participating, so I’m not sure whose blog you follow for the first choice of the Rafflecopter!) Right now the only thing of mine on there is the Twitter link.